An Islamic Relief aid worker* in Gaza searches for meaning after a deadly airstrike on a school-turned-shelter, but finds only incomprehensible horror. 

It was an extremely terrifying day. I woke up to the news that Israel had targeted a space for prayer at al-Tabeen School. (A shelter) where hundreds of displaced families have been sheltering. I instantly thought about my friends and colleagues in Islamic Relief. I started calling them. Alhamdulillah, they were all safe and sound. But they had lived through one of the worst experiences of their lives.  

“We heard a huge explosion not far from where I was staying,” one of my friends told me. “I could hear ambulances and firefighters rushing to the area. The noise continued until the sun had risen.” 

I remembered there was a hospital in the area where, before this crisis began, Islamic Relief supported services for newborn children. I asked my friend if this hospital was treating the injured from this new attack, but he said no. The only partially functioning hospital nearby is the Baptist Hospital (Al-Ahli Arab Hospital) where a huge attack in the first month of the war caused hundreds of deaths. That’s now the only place where the injured can receive any care. In fact, the people of Gaza are starting to see our healthcare centres as places that just handle dead bodies and prepare them for burials. North Gaza’s health sector is turning into a funeral home due to the lack of medicine, disposables and equipment.  

My friend told me that he had to have surgery to remove a bladder stone but couldn’t find anywhere in North Gaza still equipped to do the surgery. He had to undergo temporary bypass surgery just to help his bladder function properly, but he told me he’s in pain whenever he moves, walks or climbs the stairs. He has to endure because he has no other option.  

A sad morning, the smell of death everywhere 

After a while, I ended the call with my friend and went back to the news. Videos started appearing showing terrible scenes – tens of dead bodies; men, women and children. They had all been preparing to perform Al Fajr prayer. Some had finished their ablutions, some had just said Allahu Akbar, some might have just finished reading Al Fateha. It is beyond comprehension that their lives would end this way.  

“It is a sad morning in the city. The smell of death is everywhere,” another colleague from my team told me. “We used to deliver hot meals to that place every day. It was home to hundreds of displaced families. Any one of our teammates could have been among those who passed away.” 

An even more terrorising situation

Yes, at this stage of the war, the situation is even more terrorising than in the first few days. An airstrike can hit anywhere. Just a couple of days ago, my wife and kids went to visit my in-laws who have moved for the fourth time and are now closer to us. Just after they arrived, an airstrike hit nearby. Rubble was falling everywhere. One of the doors in the house where they’re staying blew open due to the blast. My wife and kids could have so easily been in the street. I might have lost them.  

Every day I go to work thinking an airstrike could hit nearby. I went to meet with displaced families at one of the schools that have been turned into shelters and I was so afraid that something would happen while I was there, especially as targeting schools is the norm these days. I can’t imagine why on Earth a school, mosque or hospital could be seen as a target. In the last week, at least 5 schools were destroyed in Gaza. I can’t bear to think about the future of the children who study in those schools. Where will they get their education after the war? 

Tired of being slaughtered 

After the attack on Saturday, healthcare workers couldn’t distinguish between the remains of the dead. The bombing produces tremendous heat that melts bodies. All hospital staff could do was put the remains in plastic bags. Families looking for their loved ones were given a 70kg bag of flesh if the missing person was an adult and an 18kg bag if they were a child. Families took these remains to the cemetery and buried it with a name on the gravestone.  

When I think about what is happening to us, the Palestinian people, I can’t comprehend it properly. We are now subjected to all kinds of torture, agony, deprivation and targeting. I can’t think of any nation in the world that has suffered like us. 

This is beyond humanity. This is something not even the darkest horror movie director could have thought of. The world that is watching is not human anymore. I’ve lost the belief that I can be normal after this. I’ve lost faith in the world. I write my words and erase them. (Nor can’t I) come up with a sentence to properly describe how I feel. I just want this madness to stop because we are tired of being slaughtered. We are being annihilated and the world is watching without doing anything. This is crazy. The consciousness of the world is dead. 

*This blog is anonymised to protect the safety and security of our colleague and others mentioned. Read the other blogs in this series here.  

Editor’s note: This blog was submitted amid a fast-changing and deepening crisis. The information was correct as of Monday 12 August.